


Spicy Sweet

by Mycaruba



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: F/M, matchmaker dan, self-indulgent vernon smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 10:59:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7219726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycaruba/pseuds/Mycaruba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Game Grumps' new part-time editor has a not-exactly subtle crush on the other new employee, Vernon Shaw.  What are the odds that he'd feel the same way towards her?  Will a can of whipped cream and a late night visit reveal the truth to them both?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spicy Sweet

“Everybody stop what you're doing and get in the living room! We must perform the ritual sacrifi-uh, I mean, the welcoming ceremony for Vernon!” Arin's baritone voice cried out.

Lacey rolled her eyes, snickering, and tore her massive headphones off, grateful for an excuse to take a break. She had only been the assistant editor of Game Grumps for a few weeks, and while it was a lot of fun, it was more work than she'd had on her plate in a long time. She hardly had room to complain, though; a steady gig like this was hard to come by, and she truly loved working with the people around her. She'd only met this Vernon guy once before, and it hardly even counted as a meeting; he'd been one of a large group of people at Ross's birthday party sitting around a table playing Pokemon, and had simply waved politely when Arin introduced her to the collective “everyone”. Now that she thought of it, though, his gaze had lingered on her perhaps a bit longer than everyone else's had, and his enigmatic little smile had lingered in the back of her mind for most of the night. Since he was an 'official grump employee' and all now, she knew she'd be seeing a lot of him, and wondered if maybe she should ask him out. Just as soon as the thought passed through her mind, she swatted it away; what if he said no, and things were horribly uncomfortable between them after that? Christ, it's this guy's first day, and you're already thinking of ways to make shit awkward for him. You barely even know him, girl, chill. 

She shook her head and sprung up, eager to see what Arin had planned for Vernon's 'ceremony'. As she bounded into the room, she noticed that Arin, Ross, and Brian were surrounding Vernon, who was giggling and rapidly turning red. His face was buried in his hands, and a tacky-looking crown was placed crookedly on his head; Suzy and Dan were standing a little to the side, grinning at the sight before them.

“Uh...should I even ask?” Lacey said cautiously.

“Ah good, you've arrived. The ceremony can begin,” Arin boomed pompously. His face broke out into a goofy grin after a few seconds, and he started laughing, sending Dan into a giggle fit of his own. 

“Alright children, let's settle down now, this is a very important day for our newest and second-best member of Game Grumps. Because I'm the best, obviously,” Brian intoned, looking at everyone in the room in turn. Suzy and Danny gave him the finger in unison. A small smile twitched on Brian's face, and Lacey was actually impressed at how quickly it turned back to stone after his minor slip-up.

“Today is the day we induct Vernon into our esteemed group. We have convened for many hours-”

“More like six minutes, actually.”

“Shut up, Dan. We have convened for many hours on what would be the best way to fully bring this nubile young man into the fray...” Vernon started giggling even harder than before. “...and we have reached a consensus.” Brian paused, bringing himself up to his full height to truly convey the power of his next words. “Pudding.”

Lacey broke out into laughter, earning a deadly glare from Brian. “You can't be fucking serious.”

“Oh, I'm incredibly serious, Lacey. Feeding people pudding is a time-honored tradition among the grump crew, and it is a responsibility that is not to be taken lightly.”

“You're the only one that does that,” Suzy deadpanned.

“Not any more. For I...am passing the torch.” He held out his hand to Ross, who gasped in mock amazement. “Me?” he mouthed, eyebrows knitting together.

Brian nodded solemnly, and Ross shuffled forward, bowing his head slowly and earning a snicker from Dan. Brian shot Dan a look before turning his eyes on Ross's expectant face. “On your knees.”  
Woah. Lacey was still getting used to all the dirty running jokes that the various grumps had with one another; sometimes they pushed it so far that it was hard to tell what was a joke and what was a sign of a hidden dynamic that was humming just below the surface of sexual humor. That was ridiculous, though. Brian and Ross were both married straight men, and the look of trust and adoration in Ross's eyes as he dropped to the ground was just part of the act...right? Brian picked up a spoon that had been placed on the table and, closing his eyes, touched the spoon first to Ross's left shoulder, then his right.

“I dub thee...Ross, feeder of pudding and wielder of spoons. Now go, man, and do that which your destiny has laid out for you.”

Ross nodded and stood up; taking a deep breath, he took the spoon from Brian's hand and held it aloft with as much pride as any knight had for his trusty sword. “I am...spoonman.”

“Alright, this is getting weird. I'm gonna go get a smoothie,” Dan said, attempting to back out of the room. 

“No wait, this is the best part!” Ross yelled. “Arin, go get the pudding!”

Arin scampered to the kitchen as Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a silk cloth. He leaned down and took off Vernon's glasses; placing them gently aside, he looked Vernon in the eye and asked, “Are you ready to become one with us?”

Vernon smirked in a curiously attractive way and met Brian's gaze. “I was born ready.”

“Then let's begin.” He wrapped the silk cloth around Vernon's head, covering his eyes, and tied it in a firm knot at the back of his scalp. Arin came back into the room and handed Ross a small cup of what looked like tapioca pudding, then walked over to stand next to Suzy. Ross looked at Brian once more; when the older man nodded, Ross took a deep breath and tore off the pudding lid. Dan gasped mockingly, earning a light punch from Suzy. Vernon licked his lips and wriggled in anticipation, and Lacey was struck by how damned adorable the guy was. Ross dipped the spoon into the cup and presented a glob of creamy white pudding to the expectant room. “Open wide,” he moaned sultrily.  
Vernon breathed a laugh and obeyed; he stretched his mouth open and let his tongue, glistening with saliva, fall out. Ross slowly slid the spoon into his waiting mouth; as Vernon closed his lips around it, the white cream coated the outside of his mouth and he began sucking to make sure he got every bit of the spoonful. Lacey could feel her skin turn warm as she watched the scene play out, and she wondered what had made the room so sweltering all of a sudden. It must have been a gust of hot air coming in from the window, because she absolutely refused to admit that this ridiculous 'ceremony' was...kind of a massive turn-on. Vernon slowly licked his lips of the remaining cream and swallowed; he smiled and sighed contentedly before tilting his head up just a little and saying “More, please?”  
Someone should really close that window.  
Despite her best efforts to quash that particular line of thinking, Lacey's mind began supplying her with images of Vernon using his skillful tongue in myriad other ways; moving it slowly in a line down her jaw, shoving it roughly into her mouth as he pinned her arms to the wall, skating it downwards, along her belly, tracing a straight line down...  
“This doing anything for you?,” a masculine voice to her right spoke suddenly.  
“Jesus!” Lacey jumped, drawing the attention of the assembled group; she almost laughed at the absurd picture before her, that of three grown men tightly surrounding a fourth and messily feeding him tapioca pudding. She grinned half-heartedly and waved a hand dismissively at them.  
“I, uh, I thought I saw a bug, b-but then there wasn't one.”  
Arin, Ross, and Barry shrugged in unison and turned back to the task at hand; Suzy still stood at a distance, distracted by something on her phone. Lacey looked up and saw the face of the man who had nearly made her jump out of her skin; it was currently wearing a shit-eating grin that said its owner knew way too much about what was going on with her.  
“How the fuck did you get all the way over here without me noticing, dude?”  
“It was pretty easy, actually, what with you being so distracted.” Dan's tone was teasing, but he kept his voice low, a fact which she appreciated more than she could ever say.  
She sighed, figuring it wasn't worth the effort to lie to him. “Ok yes, for some weird reason this is...kind of, I don't know, sexy.” Dan raised an eyebrow but knew better than to interrupt as she let the truth pour out of her. “I know this is supposed to be a silly thing, and it is, but it's also...have you ever used food in the bedroom?”  
“Sure, food can be sexy. Maybe not pudding, but like, whipped cream?”  
She nodded vigorously. “Yes, god, like using up a whole can and getting it, just everywhere, and then licking it...off of...each other.” Her face turned red as she realized what she was divulging to Dan.  
“I mean...” She dropped her voice to just above a whisper. “Vern's really cute, and it's now occurring to me that...he's probably pretty good with his mouth.” Her eyes flicked back to the ceremony and she saw Vern working his lips and tongue to suck the spoon dry; she pressed her lips together and looked at Dan helplessly.  
He shrugged slightly. “If that's how you feel, go tell him. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to get sticky with you.”  
She laughed. “And what if he doesn't? How weird would things be between us? I don't know if I want to risk it.”  
Vernon shrieked with laughter as Ross began spreading what remained of the pudding across Vernon's cheeks with the back of the spoon. Lacey shook her head as she wondered what the hell had come over her. “Would it be worth it?” she wondered aloud.  
“Only one way to find out,” Dan muttered back, narrowing his eyes in wonderment at the scene before him. “This is really what turns you on, huh?”  
“Apparently so, Dan.”

\---

Several nights later, Lacey was sitting at home on her couch, having just gotten back from a long day of recording and editing a new t-shirt commercial. She was sipping at a steaming cup of microwavable soup and watching a basketball game; all thoughts of whipped cream and dorkily cute pepper enthusiasts were temporarily at bay. Over the previous few days, between being busy with various job tasks and studiously avoiding any kind of lurid head fantasies, she had just about convinced herself that she'd been acting silly with the whole Vernon thing. It was definitely best to leave any kind of intimate involvements out of the workspace, she reasoned, because those sorts of things had largely ended poorly for her in the past. She had a habit of getting invested in a person in a big way, falling for a guy's charms until she was too blinded to see that he was losing interest, or had never been that into her in the first place. Compounding her potential heartbreak with the fact that she would have to face Vernon every day for the foreseeable future made the decision easy once she stepped away from her own lust-clouded thoughts. It was definitely the more prudent choice, and she only felt a twinge of regret at the fact that she would never get to experience the things her mind screamed at her to make happen. 

Her intense interest in the game was interrupted by a light knock at her door. She certainly wasn't expecting anyone to come by at such a late hour, but she figured it was probably her across-the-hall neighbors, who were still getting her mail mixed up with theirs for some reason. Grumbling, she set her soup down and firmly told her cat, “No!” as she saw him eyeing her cup with curiosity. She ran her fingers through her hair as she walked to the door; upon seeing who it was, she actually jumped back a bit and just barely stopped herself from swearing in surprise. Vernon stood before her in black skinny jeans and a worn red hoodie, a strangely knowing smirk playing on his lips and what looked like a plastic grocery bag in his hand.

“Hey Lace. How's it going?”  
“Uh, g-good. I'm just, you know, chilling. I've got...some soup.” Lacey honestly didn't know what to make of this. She had seen Vernon only hours before; in fact, she distinctly remembered having bidden him good night in a friendly-but-not-too-friendly manner, so what was he doing here all of a sudden? And although she made an honest to god effort not to do so, she couldn't stop her eyes from roaming across his attractively stubbled face and running all the way down to his white converses.

“Mm, that sounds good. Can I come in?”  
“I mean, uh...” Her hesitation seemed to cause a furrow to appear between his eyebrows; she didn't actually want him to leave, she just wanted to know why he had appeared before her like this.  
“Um yeah, of course, I just wasn't expecting you. It's kind of late and everything.”  
“Oh, well that's why I brought Monsters.” He shook the grocery bag and she could hear liquid sloshing against metal cans.  
“Great, great. So, um...why are you here?” she asked, punctuating each word with hesitance.  
He looked at her with some puzzlement, then sighed as he brought a hand to his face. “Dan didn't tell you, did he?”  
“Uhh, I guess not.”  
“Well, I was telling him that I need some help making pies for the next livestream since I'm not that good at baking, and he told me that you were a master chef and that he'd ask you if you'd be willing to lend a hand.”  
“He never said anything to me about pies.”  
“Really? He told me that you, like, jumped at the chance and that tonight was the best night for you.”  
“Umm...” Lacey was supremely confused by this whole situation, until she eyed the plastic bag still hanging from Vernon's hand and felt something in her brain click. “Would these happen to be whipped cream pies?”  
“Uh yeah, actually. He seriously went on forever about how you'd just love to make these with me.”  
Lacey bit the inside of her cheek as she felt laughter threaten to burst out of her. Of course Dan would set them both up like this; it was the perfect way to force her to stop burying her feelings. She couldn't even really be mad at him.  
“He must have like, imagined a conversation with me and then told you that I'd said yes.”  
Vernon sighed, shaking his head. “I'm so sorry, this must look so stupid to you. I should have asked you myself. We can do this later, or I can do it by myself, it doesn't really matter...”  
“Well, I mean...we can make pies. With whipped cream. In my apartment, right now.” She cleared her throat nervously. “You know, just because Dan's a big dumb doesn't mean we can't create something awesome. It's not like I was doing anything super important anyways. I'd love to help.”  
The judicious part of her brain was screaming at her to stop, to tell Vernon to take his whipped cream and leave, but she just couldn't let this opportunity pass. It was all too perfect, probably because Dan had set everything up this way, knowing she couldn't or wouldn't say no if it was staring her in the face. She wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who suggested they be whipped cream pies in the first place. Vernon smiled warmly, relief seeming to wash over his features.  
“Are you sure?” She nodded, putting forth what she hoped was a winning and not at all terrified grin.  
“Thank you so much, Lacey. I brought like, a ton of caffeine cause we might be up for a while. And I probably got way too much whipped cream, but we can just eat what we don't use, you know?”  
She chuckled nervously, feeling her smile turn tight. “I better go and pre-heat that oven.”

\---

Lacey sat on the counter, swinging her legs and sipping a Monster as she listened to Vernon tell a story about his last bike race. She was genuinely interested in hearing him talk, and only a slight undercurrent of nervousness ran through her veins. Once she had taken a few moments in the kitchen to collect herself, she realized that she was winding herself up for no reason. If nothing happened tonight, then that would be that. And if it did...well, she didn't let herself dwell on that possibility for longer than a second or two, preferring to listen to Vernon speak at length about a subject he clearly cared about.  
“Lacey?”  
“Yeah?”  
“You still with me?”  
She realized with a start that her eyes had drooped shut as she allowed herself to get absorbed in the lilting cadence of Vernon's voice. “Um, yeah, I'm sorry. I was just getting a little sleepy, and it's really warm in here.”  
“You're right, it is. Must be all that baking we're doing.” Vernon shrugged off his hoodie to reveal a tight off-white t-shirt with an intricate skull design displayed across the front. Lacey grinned, feeling a little loopy from the lateness of the hour and the heat permeating the air around her.  
“That's a really cool shirt. I actually love skulls.”  
Vernon grinned toothily, cocking his head in her direction in an adorably dog-like manner. “No way, really? Do you like Dia de Muertos?”  
“Yes!” she exclaimed with sudden energy. “It's my favorite...Mexican holiday. Not that I know very many others, I guess.”  
He giggled and sipped from his can, keeping his gaze fixed on her round blue eyes.  
“You know, I'm glad you were cool about this. I would have understood if you'd told me to take my pie crusts and fuck right off.”  
“I would never tell a man who brought me food to fuck off. Especially delicious pastries.”  
“Yeah. It just sucks we can't have any of them, they're sort of set aside for future use. We can go to town on this whipped cream, though.”  
As he rummaged through the fridge to find the extra can, Lacey felt her face heat up. Vernon turned to her with a sly grin on his face and shook the can; popping the cap off in an effortless motion, he approached her slowly and almost-whispered, “open up”. Lacey closed her eyes and leaned her head back, heart hammering painfully in her chest. Was he doing this on purpose? Was it just the lateness of the hour, the heat of the kitchen, her damned crush that was making her feel like she was about to burst? She felt the cool sweetness hit her tongue in a slow wave and realized he was doing this slowly, dragging the process out as much as he could. If this was just playful, he'd probably spray a bunch of cream in her mouth in a quick burst, giggling and making a mess. This was slow, deliberate, and she wondered if he had sex with the same methodical attention to detail, the same achingly languid, unhurried enjoyment. She felt a hand slide to the back of her head, fingers carding through her silky blondish hair, and felt relief wash over her; it wasn't all in her head, after all. She opened her eyes and saw Vernon's shining back at her, his mouth partially open and something almost painful twisting his features. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to take that pain away, so she leaned forward, granting him permission to take whatever he wanted from her. He gasped slightly and rushed forward, sealing their mouths together; the taste of whipped cream still lingered between them, and she wondered if kissing him would always be this sweet.  
He deepened the kiss, and she felt the last of her resolve break; wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him closer and began running her hands along his scalp, scratching lightly until she reached the base of his neck and felt him shiver.  
“Sorry,” she whispered, moving her hands to his shoulders.  
“No, it's fine, I like it, it's just...very sensitive.” He gazed at her, searching her face for something she couldn't quite place. “I like you a lot, Lace. I've been thinking about you so much since we met, and I...I'm not going to push you into anything if you don't want it, but I...I'd really like to...”  
He trailed off, eyes dropping to the ground in what seemed like shame, and Lacey immediately drew him close again and kissed him hard, tongue searching for purpose in his mouth. She heard him whimper and felt a jolt within herself at the sound; her hands dipped lower and grabbed at his ass. As he moved closer, she slipped her legs around his waist and locked them in place, pushing her crotch forward to meet his. He moaned and moved his hands to her waist; reaching up, he began to knead steadily at her nipples with his thumbs. She whined and bit at his lower lip, feeling an unbearable tension build within her. He was the first one to break apart, gasping slightly; she noticed a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and wondered how disheveled she looked at that moment.  
“Um...do you...”  
“Yes.” She kissed him hard again, savoring the way his tongue lightly ran across her lower lip. “Yes, please. I've thought about it so many times, b-but I...didn't want to make everything weird and bad. I have a habit of getting in too deep really fast, and it leads to a lot of bullshit and heartbreak. Not that you would do anything like that, it's just...”  
She felt his thumb gently graze her chin and fought back the urge to cry.  
“Don't worry about what might happen, Lace. We can just...take it slow.”  
She smiled, feeling a warmth bloom in her chest. As she took in the sight of him, cheeks flushed and glasses askew, she felt like going slow was the last thing she wanted. Lacey kissed him again, firm but sweet, drinking in the feel of him, the heat radiating back and forth between their bodies.  
Vernon pulled away, biting his lip and grinning cheekily. “So, should we-”  
“Fuck yes.”

\---

They somehow maneuvered themselves towards Lacey's bedroom, kissing and giggling into each other's mouths. Lacey fell ungraciously backwards, almost landing on her cat, who simply gave them a bewildered look and dashed off the bed. Vern took off his glasses, setting them gently on a nightstand nearby, and paused to look at her hungrily. Lacey could feel her insides squirm, and she felt an urge to grab him by the shoulders and pull him closer so they could resume grinding. A part of her, though, enjoyed the anticipation and the heat that was building within her and flaming her cheeks red.

“Vern,” she breathed, gently raking her fingernails along his arm. His reverie broken, he resumed kissing her, slow and sweet and teasing. Just when she felt it get deeper and more heated, he pulled away a little. After experiencing this frustrating moment several times, she groaned into his shoulder, biting playfully. He giggled above her and she caught on to his game almost immediately.

“So that's how you're gonna play it, huh?”  
“If that's okay with you.”  
It was sweet of him to make sure she was all right with going slow and being pleasantly tortured, she thought. She wanted him badly, it was true, but she also didn't want this to be over in the next ten minutes. So...

“As long as you don't frustrate me too much.”  
“Pretty sure I know how to ride that line.”  
“Cocky, are we?”

He hummed in response and lifted his shirt above his head in one quick movement; tossing it aside, he clambered onto the bed, moving towards her on all fours. She leaned back and closed her eyes, sighing; she felt his hand brush her hair away from her face, and after a moment, their lips met again. He was taking his time, savoring the taste of her; his hand slipped behind her head, and he shifted his hips to make their groins meet and pressed forward ever so slightly. She wrapped a leg around him and began grinding subtly, and she couldn't help smirking triumphantly when he moaned into her mouth.

“Why don't we take our clothes off?” he breathed into her ear. Lacey could hear the growing edge of desperation in his voice and nodded vigorously. After wriggling out of most of their clothing, she was left in her bra and panties. Vernon slipped a hand behind her back and hooked his thumb behind her bra strap; he met her eyes in a questioning gaze and she nodded, biting her lip. He undid the clasp and she pulled her straps off, letting her bra fall to the side. She watched him nervously, knowing her breasts weren't exactly perfect; they had stretch marks from an odd growth spurt, and they weren't as full or perky as she would have liked.

“Shit,” he said, and she felt her heart drop suddenly. He looked at her nervously. “Could I, um...”   
“Oh,” she gasped, feeling relief flood through her. “Yeah, of course.”  
He leaned towards her and started kissing her fervently, all thoughts of teasing gone for the moment. His hands made their way to her breasts and began kneading; she felt her hips arch up involuntarily when he began pushing and rubbing at her nipples. Her hands flew up and began grabbing at his hair and skating along his shoulders; his mouth started working along her jawline and moving down her neck.  
“Lace?”  
“Yeah?”  
He sat up, breathing heavily through his nose. “I really want to take my time with this, but...maybe we could, like, make each other come and then have round two a little later. I don't think this is going to last very much longer otherwise.”  
“Oh god, yes. Do you, uh...”  
“I actually carry some for, you know, emergencies. You never know some gorgeous girl is gonna ravish you, you know?”  
Lacey chuckled, drawing a blanket up to her chest. “You think I'm gorgeous?”  
Vernon cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. “Do you think I'd be about to come in my pants if you weren't?”  
She laughed and lay back as he administered a condom to his flushed cock; he hooked a finger around the side of her panties and peeled them off, his gaze lingering on the curve of her hips. Their eyes met once more as moved steadily forward; she gasped as he slid inside her and started thrusting almost immediately. His mouth worked against hers, sucking at her bottom lip; his fingers frantically rubbed at her clit as he slammed into her, making the bed shake. Lacey thought she heard something fall off the bed and clatter to the ground, but she was too busy seeing stars burst before her eyes to pay it much attention. She felt the fire that had been humming through her veins since the minute Vernon had stepped into her apartment engulf her, and finally subside, leaving her breathless and flushed. When Vernon finally came and brought his grinding to a slow halt, she felt the same tension leave his body and smelled the slight tang of sweat on his forehead. She fought back an odd urge to lick the salt from his skin and settled for peppering his face with kisses, making him giggle joyously. He lay with his head resting on her chest, sighing contentedly as she lightly scratched his scalp. After a moment, he rose onto his elbows and kissed her.  
“I'm sorry that was over so quick. I really wanted to, you know, take my time and make you feel amazing.”  
“You totally did, Vern. That was fucking awesome and you know it. And there's almost time for another round, you know.”  
He grinned, nibbling at her jaw playfully. “You're so right. There's always time...” He yawned, eyes fluttering shut, and began fake-snoring. She lightly punched him and he laughed, kissing her chest wetly.  
“So...” he said languidly.  
“Yeah?”  
“You know that whipped cream we have?”  
“Mhm.”  
“I've got some big plans for that.”  
She smiled, letting him detail all the ways he wanted to ravish her, and wondering how she had got so damn lucky.


End file.
